The death of Leonard Cohen
, two weeks ago, prompted me to revisit a column I had drafted several months earlier. My friend John McTavish had sent me his daughter Sandra’s poem, “Valedictory Address”. I found it moving, and I reprint most of it here (these columns do have length limits!) with their permission.
Dearest wee graduates from
The womb to the world,
Or diapers to underwear,
Or little kid school to big kid school,
My wishes for you
Are that you live a long, full life—
Long enough to know the two generations before you
And the next two generations ahead;
That you laugh more than you cry;
And that you always experience freedom;
Never go without the things you really need,
Even if you don’t always get all the things you want.
I hope you are never afraid in the dark
Or completely alone in the daylight.
May your circle of love extend to a strong circle of people
Who are as caring, compassionate, loyal, and zany towards you
As you are towards them.
Embrace your body.
Nurture, strengthen, and care for it,
Because you can’t trade it in for another.
Never grow too old
To jump in puddles,
To sing in the shower,
Or (occasionally) to eat ice cream for breakfast.
And before you close your eyes
For your final sleep on this planet,
May your last thought be,
“I’ve lived an incredible life.”
-- Sandra McTavish (March 2016)
Sandra’s “Valedictory Address” touched something in me. I felt impelled to respond, also in verse form.
My final sleep draws uncomfortably closer,
not yet, but not postpone-able
indefinitely.
Incredible life?
Probably not. Mostly ordinary. Predictable, even.
I did what was expected of me
by my parents,
my friends,
my partners in business and in life.
Oh, I rebelled occasionally,
but I was careful not to hurt those who loved me,
even if I didn’t always love them.
I did my best.
It wasn’t always perfect.
Deadlines and daily circumstances impose their own moral code --
do what you can, in the time available;
don’t beat yourself up over what you couldn’t do…
But I never intentionally did less than I could.
Intentionally -- there’s that word again.
My life has not been intentional.
I did not plan
what I would do, what I would be;
Things just came along.
Others saw possibilities in me that I was too close to recognize;
and sometimes I just took the road that felt best beneath my feet.
Do I have regrets? Of course I do.
I could have been more loving, more caring, more loyal.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Despite my lack of intent, I am content.
When I lay me down to sleep,
If I should die before I wake? Just amen.
And then it occurred to me that perhaps Leonard Cohen said it all in the fewest words:
Like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free…
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Copyright © 2016 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.
To comment on this column, write jimt@quixotic.ca
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YOUR TURN
Only three responses – unless I’ve lost a basketful of letters, again – to last week’s column, suggesting that Jesus showed a preference for people who were willing to risk breaking social norms for a good purpose.
George Brigham recalled an incident from his past: “The title of this week's Soft Edges reminds me of the question posed to me in ethics at university long ago: ‘If it is worst to do a bad deed from a bad motive, and best to do a good deed from a good motive, is it better to do a bad deed from a good motive, or a good deed from a bad motive?’
“My answer then and now is that it depends if you're on the receiving end of the deed, or are the doer.”
Cliff Boldt recalled some “good advice given to me years ago -- Sometimes what we do speaks so loudly, people can't hear what we say.”
Tom Watson applied my musings to current situations: “Great thoughts! Tribal pressures still exist today...in many more guises than just the honour killings example you cite, something that is, as you suggest, in itself truly disgraceful.
“Actually, tribalism not only exists, it seems to be more on the rise of late. Witness the political ideologies that cater to building walls to keep other people out, a backlash against immigrants and refugees, the penchant of the white male tribe for making sure that they get to decide what a woman can and cannot do with her body, and so on. Witness Conservative Party leadership candidate Kellie Leitch whose main plank is ensuring ‘Canadian values’ (if you're not what I decide you should be, you're not part of my tribe).
“Those things are, in my view, also disgraceful.[JT note: I don’t think Tom is suggesting that Jesus would endorse the actions above, just because they’re disgraceful.]
“Take the church too. Maybe tribalism never truly went away in the church but it seems on the rise again lately. Just yesterday, in an electronic version of Maclean's magazine, I received a survey about which Christian churches are growing and which aren't. Seems the ones that are growing have gone back to the notion that Christianity is the only true religion, that you need to profess your faith in Jesus as the only way to eternal life. I'm appalled at that because I had liked to believe that most folks would have figured out by now that all of us are part of one human race and we'd better learn to live together better rather than dividing ourselves up into us and them. I have too many friends of faiths other than Christian, and a whole lot of non-faith too, and I have to believe that Jesus would have welcomed them with open arms, and also would have found the notion of their somehow being of less worth because they're not Christians...well, disgraceful.”
Afterthought – most of what I wrote about connecting actions and motives was said about 19 centuries ago by a fellow called James, that somehow scraped into the Christian scriptures.
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PSALM PARAPHRASES
For Advent 1, the lectionary suggests Psalm 122. I wrote this paraphrase more than 20 years ago; I no longer have any idea what triggered the images, but the text seems to tie in with Tom Watson’s letter, above.
1 God calls people everywhere to a pilgrimage.
2 From all over the world, many feet beat a path to God's holy places.
3 They struggle through high mountain passes; They shuffle across dusty deserts; They crawl along the walls of river canyons.
4 The straggling lines of searchers converge in a fertile valley; A great shout of joy goes up to the heavens.
5 Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus--the great religions discover a common cause; They rise above doctrinal differences.
6 Pray for their unity; pray for their commitment.
7 May they not threaten each other; may they generate peace among their peoples.
8 God, watching over them, says, "They do not all call themselves my followers. Yet they are brothers and sisters, meeting in harmony. I will treat them as my own."
9 Because they do God's will, God will wrap them in loving arms.
For paraphrases of most of the psalms used by the Revised Common Lectionary, you can order my book Everyday Psalms from Wood Lake Publishing, info@woodlake.com.
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YOU SCRATCH MY BACK…
• Ralph Milton has a new project, called Sing Hallelujah -- the world’s first video hymnal. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at www.singhallelujah.ca
• Isabel Gibson's thoughtful and well-written blog, www.traditionaliconoclast.com
• Wayne Irwin's "Churchweb Canada," an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://www.churchwebcanada.ca>
• Alva Wood's satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town are not particularly religious, but they are fun; write alvawood@gmail.com to get onto her mailing list.
• Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” – ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at twatson@sentex.net
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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