Thursday March 16, 2023
“Slewffcorkt or gruble?” the woman at the fast-food order desk asked.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I didn’t catch that.” I had forgotten my hearing aids that morning; now I was embarrassed by my own forgetfulness.
“Slewffcorkt or gruble?” she repeated.
I shook my head again. She rolled her eyes and tried one more time. This time I caught the last word – “grilled.” Of course -- she was asking how I wanted my chicken bits cooked!
“Grilled,” I said, still not knowing the other option.
The ten tips
Almost everyone over 50 has some hearing loss. Some of us have more loss than others. So, in the interests of assisting all who have difficulty hearing, I suggest some tips, gleaned from a variety of sources, for when you’re speaking to old coots like me. Even if you’re an old coot yourself.
1. Look around to make sure no one else is speaking. If your own hearing is weak, you may not realize someone else is already talking.
2. Get their attention before you speak. Maybe reach out to touch the person’s hand or arm. Or specifically say their name.
3. Look directly at them when you speak. Maintain eye contact. Don’t talk while looking out the window, or at someone else.
4. Don’t cover your mouth. With anything -- your hand, your coffee mug, your newspaper… Or, for men, with your beard or moustache. They can’t lip read if they can’t see your lips.
5. If they didn’t hear you the first time, don’t just repeat what you said before. Add some context. If the fast-food server had said, “How do you want your chicken cooked?” I would probably have figured out the rest of her question.
6. Don’t shout. Shouting distorts speech. It can also make you sound angry. And it may draw unnecessary attention to your hearer’s difficulties.
7. Avoid noisy environments if possible. Neither Niagara Falls nor a rock concert are helpful for people with hearing loss. In restaurants, choose a quiet corner when you can. And seat the person needing hearing assistance near the middle of the table, not at a far end.
8. Also avoid dark environments. Sit where your face can be easily seen, so your hearer can read your face as well as your lips.
9. Speak slowly and clearly. Try not to imitate 15-year-old Valley Girls breaking the speech limit. You don’t need to exaggerate your words; just don’t mumble them. Use pauses rather than slow speech, to give your hearer time to absorb what you’re saying.
10. Keep checking – visually, or by asking questions – to make sure that the person you’re talking to is still following you. A grunt may mean they’re still tuned in. Or it may mean they’ve tuned out.
When the subject shifts
One other suggestion: identify changes to a new subject.
The church choir I sing in once had a very deaf bass. Having discussed plans for a potluck supper, the choir switched to talking about how we would sing our next anthem. From the back row, the hearing-impaired bass cleared his throat. “I’d avoid the spinach casserole,” he recommended.
We burst into laughter. Making a change of subject clearer to everyone could have saved him some unintended embarrassment.
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Copyright © 2023 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.
To comment on this column, write jimt@quixotic.ca
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YOUR TURN
Last week’s column wasn’t really about my bicycle accident – that was just a hook to let me get into the subject of how technology isolates us from each other. But thank you to all who wrote hoping that I heal soon. I can’t report that I am now back to normal – which is not quite as good as new!
“Regarding technology and isolation,” Florence Driedger wrote, “ I am reading a book written by Johann Hari titled Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention----and How to Think Deeply Again. While he knows current technology will continue to evolve, he also cautions us to recognize the problems it creates, and gets to what we can do about it. It is not an easy book to read, but he pushes us to think deeply and look for substantive responses to current issues,”
Frank Martens described the new technology his bank uses to reduce risks of scamming: “To have access to my account I now have to provide a 6-number code. That means within seconds of my asking for it, I get a phone call where an artificial voice gives me the numbers to enter. A little inconvenient, but having had my bank account hacked, it has provided a safeguard. I also get phone calls weekly asking me to verify purchases I have made with my credit card, particularly the big items.”
Mirza Yawar Baig sent me several links to articles correlating youth suicide with excessive use of social media.
Kim Chabot: “Because I caretake for my gramma, I am constantly reminded how valuable genuine human interaction is; especially when you’re having problems with something.”
A couple of writers lamented with me the failure of anyone to stop to help, after my accident.
Tom Watson: “Sorry to hear about your run-in your bike had with the curb—I trust you're none the worse for wear. The fact that nobody stopped to see whether you were hurt is disturbing...it's a reminder that we all need to be aware to take care of each other.”
“So sad to hear that no one stopped to help you,” Penny Kirk agreed. “I once was knocked off my bike by the wind on my way to work. The traffic stopped, but no one got out to help me. I got up and picked up all the broken debris around me and limped, leg bleeding, pushing my bike up the hill. I don’t understand people sometimes.”
As a follow-up to the previous week’s column, about getting into conversation with strangers, Bruce Thomas wrote, “I like Town Watson’s approach to dogs ~ he talks to them as well as the owners. We haven’t had a dog in our lives for nearly 10 years, but we go through as many dog biscuits as we did when we were taken on walks by our family pet. The treats seem to be an easy way to meet new individuals and to keep up with what’s happening in the lives of the ones we already knew. Who ever thought a dog treat could be a social vehicle?”