Thursday November 24, 2022

A porcupine waddled across the road in front of me the other day. I had seen deer, racoons, coyotes, and bear in my area, but never a porcupine. Until that day. 

            It’s an ungainly creature. Little short legs paddle along underneath a jiggling haystack of quills, with its lethal tail flopping along the pavement behind it.

            It was in no hurry. Clearly, it sensed that it was in no danger. As long as it stayed right side up, that is. A predator can kill a porcupine only by flipping it over to get at its undefended underbelly.

            When I got home, my cat ran to greet me. It arched its back, rubbed against my pantlegs. And then lay on its back, all four legs akimbo, to have its belly rubbed.

            It trusts me. Even with its most vulnerable areas.

            It’s no coincidence that, under stress, many people curl up in a fetal position. Instinctively we cover up our vulnerable parts. 

            A few pictures I have of myself as a small boy show me with my arms crossed over my gut. I don’t remember taking that stance, but I definitely remember how a single punch in the solar plexus could leave me writhing on the ground, gasping for air. 

Making ourselves vulnerable

            Whether we’re porcupines, cats, or humans, exposing our most vulnerable parts is a profound act of trust in another. 

            Sorry, I can’t resist this old joke. 

            Question: How do porcupines make love? Answer: very carefully. 

             Now this isn’t a joke: How do humans make love? Answer: nakedly. 

            That applies to sex, obviously. But also to sharing life with another person. We have to set aside the protective barriers that separate us. We let go of our pretences and petty deceits. We expose our hearts and souls to loved ones as we do to no one else. 

            If you love, you can be hurt. And sometimes, therefore, you will be hurt. 

            Because love means making ourselves vulnerable. 

Love takes risks

            Obviously, I’m not talking about rape. Or abuse. That’s not love. It’s exploitation, coercion -- not much different from a coyote flipping a porcupine over to rip open its belly. 

            Hallmark cards and Hollywood movies have turned “love” into sentimental saccharine. Remember that line from the movie -- “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? Nonsense.

            Love means often having to say you’re sorry. Sorry for something you’ve done. Or perhaps not done. But also sorry for what’s happening to the ones you love. You’re willing to suffer with them. To take upon yourself, into yourself, someone else’s pain, weakness, suffering. 

             “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…” say the traditional marriage vows. But they don’t apply only to marriage. Parents live those promises too. When your child develops a serious illness. Or a drug addiction. Or goes off to war. 

            Love is not riding off into the sunset, where prince and princess live happily ever after. Love is caring so much about someone else that you’re willing to get off your horse and flounder around with them in the mud.

            Love is absorbing their pain as your own. 

            That’s the risk you take. For loving. 

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Copyright © 2022 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.

                  To comment on this column, write jimt@quixotic.ca

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YOUR TURN

Last week’s column seems to have had two memorable elements: Jim Henderschedt’s despair over the news, and my friend Reg standing up to a thief. Jane Wallbrown commented on both: “The ease with which your friend Reg handled the ‘thief’ suggests that it wasn't a real thief. Likely someone who really needed food for whatever reason. A hardened thief would have hit him back. 

            “The difference, I think, in our despair about the world is our technology. We hear about it all the time from all over the world! Bad things have always happened, and worse. We just didn't know about it. 

            “I don't have news on our TV. I read BBC and The Economist but it doesn't have quite the same impact as visually seeing it not once but over and over again.”

Mirza Yawar Baig offered an insight into a different value system, for most of us: “Reg is a brave man and I'm very glad that he didn't come to any harm. But I wonder why the thief was stealing frozen dinners. In Islamic law, if food is stolen by someone who needs it for himself or his family, it's not a crime. On the contrary if he is arrested then the judge will fine the State for creating a situation where people are so poor that they have to steal to live. Yeah! This is the same Shari'ah Law that people here are so afraid of. Ignorance is definitely not bliss. 

Florence Driedger offered a life example of the “each one reach two” concept I mentioned. Her letter is too long, and perhaps too personal, to reproduce here. Basically, she and her husband had built contacts in Ukraine over 30 years. When Russia invaded, last February, many of those contacts started emailing her with news. She set up a small newsletter, to pass on that information to others who cared. Those contacts forwarded those newsletters to their contacts. The mailing list grew. It now has over 200 recipients. 

Ralph Milton responded to Jim Henderschedt’s list of current evils: "The ‘world is going to hell in a handbasket’ meme has been with us ever since humans have had words with which to communicate. But the human race keeps stumbling on, and events unfold -- but seldom as awful as the pessimists predicted or as well as the optimist predicted, and always differently than all of us expected.

            “Humans always select evidence to support their conclusions. Pessimists have the advantage because it is the evidence of bad stuff in the news media that people tend to talk about. Optimists rely on softer, less visible and often quite boring or invisible signs.”

Tom Watson: “Seems to me it's been ever thus. Lots of people complaining, few people willing to roll up their sleeves and do anything about it. In the recent municipal election in the city of Guelph, the turnout was 27.84% of eligible voters—the lowest in over 20 years. it's hard to be critical of decisions made when you didn't care enough to get out and cast your vote for those whom you believed would serve the city best. In some places, people would give their eye teeth to have a day in who govens them; we have a say but can't be bothered..

Isabel Gibson: “Something/one I read years ago said to be careful what we pray about, because prayer will lead us to action.

            “A recent article I saw (https://markmanson.net/life-purpose) reframes the ‘What is the purpose of my life?’ question into something a little more manageable: ‘What can I do with my time that is important?’

            “I'd say that no matter how much time we have (and who ever knows?), doing important things with our time -- maybe working on Jim H's list -- is always worth it.”

Jim Hoffman: “I can only do what I can do.  But I can do something.  And perhaps my something will affect someone else to do something.  And their something just might multiply into lots of somethings.  Lots of somethings are much better than nothing.”

Steve Roney: “It seems to me there is an obvious problem with your ‘Each one teach two’ campaign: you have no curriculum. Teach two what? The message you offer seems only to be ‘do what is right.’ But everyone has already heard that message.”

My daughter Sharon stumbled over a misspelling. I had called Donald Trump’s campaign “Male America Great Again.”

            “Sometimes your fingers make such interesting mistakes!” she wrote. 

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Psalm paraphrase

Psalm 122 is traditional for the first Sunday of Advent.

1          God calls people everywhere to a pilgrimage.

2          From all over the world, many feet beat a path to God's holy places. 

3          They struggle through high mountain passes;
They shuffle across dusty deserts;
They crawl along the walls of river canyons. 

4          The straggling lines of searchers converge in a fertile valley;
A great shout of joy rises to the heavens. 

5          Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus -- 
the great religions discover a common cause;
They rise above doctrinal differences.

6          Pray for their unity; pray for their commitment. 

7          May they not threaten each other; 
may they generate peace among their peoples. 

8          God, watching them, says, "They do not all call themselves my followers.
Yet they are brothers and sisters, meeting in harmony.
I will treat them as my own." 

9          Because they do God's will, God will live among them. 

Apparently the print version of my paraphrases of most of the psalms in the Revised Common Lectionary is now out of print. But you can still order an e-book version of Everyday Psalms from Wood Lake Publishing, info@woodlake.com, or 1-800-663-2775

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TECHNICAL STUFF

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PROMOTION STUFF

To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols. Some spam filters have blocked my posts because they’re suspicious of some of the web links.

                  Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca He’s also relatively inexpensive!

                  I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom. She also has lots of beautiful photos. Especially of birds.

                  Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom (NB that’s “watso” not “watson”)

ALVA WOOD’S ARCHIVE

                  I have acquired (don’t ask how) the complete archive of the late Alva Wood’s collection of satiric and sometimes wildly funny columns about a mythical village’s misadventures. I’ve put them on my website: http://quixotic.ca/Alva-Wood-Archive. You’re welcome to browse. No charge. (Although maybe if I charged a fee, more people would find the archive worth visiting.)