Thursday January 13, 2022
The only channel where I can watch Jeopardy is a U.S. channel out of Seattle. So, in addition to the contestants’ wit and wisdom, I get to listen to ads for U.S. pharmaceutical products.
The first few lines urge you to try the drug. Followed by a full minute – or, in magazines, a full page, or more -- of warnings about possible risks and side effects.
It got me thinking that maybe other human institutions should be equally up-front about potential consequences.
Maybe political parties should caution campaign workers: “Getting involved may cause you lose your sense of impartiality. Politics has been known to disrupt family relationships…”
Military recruiting posters might include a line: “Potential risks may include death or dismemberment.”
Or how about fanatic allegiance to a sports team -- the Saskatchewan Roughriders, say: “May affect colour vision, rendering all colours but green invisible. May have financial implications for travel to distant games; before becoming a Roughrider believer, talk to your credit counsellor…”
Caveats about Christianity
But surely the most obvious target would be religion. So I’ll chose the one I know best-- Christianity.
Imagine the caveats!
Christianity has over 2000 years of testing and development. It can renew and refresh your life. It can bring comfort in times of pain, relief in times of grief, and can help you clarify your attitude to life.
But you should be aware…
Christianity can also have significant side effects, including but not limited to, blindness to other faiths, intolerance of other viewpoints, and addiction to biblical proof-texting. Do not commit to Christianity without testing your level of credulity.
Christianity is not a cure for depression or suicidal impulses.
Do not take Christianity if you have allergies to Popes, Bishops, Deacons, Pastors, Ministers, and/or group therapists.
Do not turn to Christianity if meaningless platitudes, quotes taken out of context, or memorized liturgical responses induce nausea.
You will be asked to believe that a few drops of water can quench the eternal fires of hell, and that a tasteless wafer is actually bread.
Mainstream Christianity is not recommended if you have religious pre-conditions, such as participation in Hare Krishna, charismatic Pentecostalism, or any Presbyterian court.
When practicing Christianity, avoid books by Thomas Merton or Eckhardt Tolle. Richard Rohr’s writings may cause dyspepsia. Anything written by Teilhard de Chardin, Karl Rahner, or John Shelby Spong may cause migraine headaches.
Beware of generic imitations of Christianity. Insist on the original and only true formulation. Do not be misled by Scientology, Eckankar, or Theosophy. Also avoid contemporary paraphrases of the Bible, which may result in cognitive dysfunction.
Take Christianity exactly as prescribed -- weekly. Overdoses cannot be counteracted by either Naloxone or EpiPens . Taking Christianity less frequently may result in reduced immunity when Jehovah’s Witnesses ring your doorbell.
If you notice your friends’ eyes glazing over whenever you speak, do not call 911. Get yourself to the nearest addiction-group meeting immediately.
Keep Christianity and its doctrinal texts out of the reach of children, as their frontal lobes are not yet sufficiently developed to handle the complexities of Christian teachings.
Consult your spiritual advisor about the merits of taking Christianity regularly. Then enjoy your new life!
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Copyright © 2022 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups encouraged; links from other blogs welcomed; all other rights reserved.
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Your turn
Last week’s column, on how sentiments affect me, clearly invited a number of you to share how sentiments affect you, too – including a few first-time respondents. Here are two of them:
Vera Struthers: “This past week’s offering about being moved to tears was beautiful. I too am moved to tears at many similar events. I think it just shows a person who really cares.”
Curtis Grissett: “Read this column this morning and found myself tearing up. (I am a retired United Methodist minister and have found your columns inspiring and helpful, especially during these difficult Covid days!) I no longer want material things for Christmas from my children or grandkids other than a call or spending time with me. As I read your column, I remember when a Broadway touring company of ‘Man of La Mancha’ performed at my college in 1969. I am still moved to tears by the song ‘The Impossible Dream’. “
Heather Sandilands: “I cry very easily -- at pain or suffering as well as at joy and acts of compassion. I often say at funerals, ‘tears are one of the currencies of love’. Like you, I have had the privilege of sitting with people through all kinds of painful times (for decades, and in different capacities) listening and sharing my faith that even in the ‘belly of the fish’ we are not alone but suspended in an ocean of grace. So tears at sorrow-full times don't flow as easily anymore. And, like you, witnessing those moments where care, compassion or the tenacity of Life break through, tears flow unabashed.
“Thanks for reminding me that, across miles, even without any personal connection, we are never alone. Somewhere, someone, is always crying with us and for us.”
Sandy Carpenter: “I LOVE this, Jim! It is so ‘me!’ I hear so much hatred spewed these days, and see picture upon video of acts of cruelty and violence; I feel an almost numb helplessness about it all. But when I see an act of kindness or decency, my heart rejoices and the tears flow. I feel like maybe there is hope, one person at a time. If only more people would realize this, it might be possible to tip this old world back into the orbit of caring about each other.”
Isabel Gibson: “I don't know why rejoicing should bring tears, but it does. It's a good thing.”
Kim MacMillan said that the column “mirrors my own experience. Sometimes, I’m slightly embarrassed by my own tears (only slightly) when it happens publicly, but actually I celebrate it. It seems, as we age, that whatever it is that separates us from other people (ego sometimes) gets thinner and the compassion that was already there is more accessible.
“Katherine’s letter is a beautiful gift. Congratulations, old man!”
Randy Hall cited a quotation “from Washington Irving that speaks to our tear-stained cheeks: ‘There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.’
“Let's cry away!” Randy concluded.
David Winans: “I, too, experience the sudden sensation of tears -- unlike my 60s and younger years. I am also more frequently angry when the evidence of uncaring actions confronts me.”
Jane Whyte is a poet. So she wrote her response as a poem:
“Tears of kindness keep our hearts from getting hard.
Soft hearts maintain a pulse
that doesn't break us or anyone or anything.
Hummingbird, shared coffee,
and a granddaughter's love
brought tears to my eyes
and hope to my heart.”
Jim Hoffman: “Tears, whether created by sadness or joy, are healthy occurrences. I really think tears help us to release the stress and tension in our hearts. The emotions we experience from human events and endeavors help us to live more fully. There are times when I wish I could more easily show my emotions outwardly with tears, than keeping those feelings hidden inside.”
Anne McRae: “Growing old is a ‘real Pain’ at times, but a real joy remembering all the good loving, happy times. The pain does pass but the good thoughts stay with you.”
Bob Rollwagen told me, “Jim, I don’t believe that you have only recently started shedding a tear or two for unexpected reasons. I have seen them in your stories more than you probably want to admit.”
Sandy Warren: “I can't imagine a better Christmas present than the letter from your granddaughter -- it is beautiful. I have had both happy and sad tears throughout my life. There is certainly a gender divide on tears and I'm glad you have that experience now!”
JT: Sadly, some of my female friends seem to have as much difficulty letting go with tears as men do.
One line I wrote said, “I follow, when possible, a Jew whose living demonstrated gentleness and caring.”
Steve Roney questioned that description: “This is true to some extent -- Jesus did not come as the expected military Messiah. But I agree with Andrew Klavan. Born and raised Jewish, he converted to Christianity when he read the gospels for himself, and found no trace of the insipid ‘gentle Jesus’ he had always been told was portrayed there. Jesus came to turn the world, and our expectations of it, upside down.”
Dick Best sent along a piece from Facebook, in which the unknown author wrote, "I invited a Buddhist monk to speak to my class. As he entered the room, he didn't say a word (that caught everyone's attention). He just walked to the board and wrote this: ‘EVERYONE WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HELP MOM DO THE DISHES.’
“We all laughed. But then he went on to say this to my students: ‘Statistically, it's highly unlikely that any of you will ever have the opportunity to run into a burning orphanage and rescue an infant. But, in the smallest gesture of kindness -- a warm smile, holding the door for the person behind you, shoveling the driveway of the elderly person next door -- you have committed an act of immeasurable profundity, because to each of us, our life is our universe.’”
Judy Lochhead: “Thanks Jim for sharing with us a bit of your sappy, sentimental self. Oh that we all could be a bit more like that, which is descriptive of what Matthew Fox calls the sacred masculine. He mostly directs this at men, but clearly women too could benefit from less patriarchal thinking and a little more sensitivity.
“Congratulations to your granddaughter for her insightful and thoughtful gift to you.”
“At 93, I understand completely,” David Gilchrist wrote. “But I no longer feel like a sentimental old fool…We have carried a bit of weight on our own shoulders; and have witnessed much sorrow and tragedy that we could do nothing about. The News is mostly doom and gloom. Maybe we feel a bit of guilt that we haven’t done enough to ease the sorrows of the world. Then we get a reassuring word from someone like your granddaughter, and we realize that someone recognizes that we got something right! It’s as if the weight is lifted a bit: it is both an appreciation and a relief. We’ve made enough mistakes; but that doesn’t make us a mistake.
“When the presentation (video, news report, etc.) is of something good and kind -- and often brave! -- it is a reminder that there are many acts of God’s love that the world doesn’t see because the bad things seem more ‘news-worthy’.
“So I no longer feel ashamed or embarrassed [by tears] -- though still sometimes surprised.”
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Psalm paraphrase
This paraphrase of Psalm 36:5-10 seems to fit well with a quotation I ran across recently, from the Royal Commission on Aboriginal Peoples, 1996: “Canada is a test case for a grand notion – the notion that dissimilar peoples can share lands, resources, power and dreams while respecting and sustaining their differences. The story of Canada is the story of many such peoples trying and failing, and trying again, to live in peace and harmony.”
5 Your door is always open, God.
You stand at your door, and welcome all who come to it.
6 Entry to your home is not limited to your friends, your associates, your social class.
You extend your welcome to everyone and everything:
Beggars and outcasts, oppressors and victims,
People who have handicaps and drifters who huddle under bridges and in culverts.
From the rats cowering in their sewers to the birds soaring among the clouds--
You make them all welcome in your home.
7 All of creation is your household, God.
All can live together in harmony under your roof.
8 In your kitchens they are fed;
In your living room, they are entertained and uplifted.
9 For you are life itself.
10 Continue to give us life, O Lord.
Show us how to live in harmony in your home.
You can find paraphrases of most of the psalms in the Revised Common Lectionary in my book Everyday Psalmsavailable from Wood Lake Publishing, info@woodlake.com.
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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PROMOTION STUFF…
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols. (This is to circumvent filters that think some of these links are spam.)
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” is an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca. He set up my webpage, and he doesn’t charge enough.
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom. She also runs beautiful pictures. Her Thanksgiving presentation on the old hymn, For the Beauty of the Earth, Is, well, beautiful -- https://www.traditionaliconoclast.com/2019/10/13/for/
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom (NB that’s “watso” not “watson”)
ALVA WOOD ARCHIVE
The late Alva Wood’s collection of satiric and sometimes wildly funny columns about a mythical village’s misadventures now have an archive (don’t ask how this happened) on my website: http://quixotic.ca/Alva-Wood-Archive. Feel free to browse all 550 columns.