Sunday September 12, 2021
With a Canadian federal election drawing near to voting day, the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 bombings, the Taliban taking over in Afghanistan and Texas, and the Delta variant running rampant through the un-vaccinated, you’d think I couldn’t run short of things to write about.
And you’d be right. There’s no lack of things to write about. The trouble is, they all weave together. Every time I start writing on one subject, I find I have to drag in another, and another. And it’s sufficiently laced with profanity that any spam filter worth its subscription price would instantly flag and quarantine the message.
So all you’re getting this week is your own responses to my 85th birthday column last week. There’s lots of reading, here, and I think you’ll enjoy the readers’ comments.
Your turn
Two things struck me about your responses to last week’s column.
The first was that I got an unusually large number of letters from readers of the print version, in the local newspaper. They don’t usually write.
The second was the number of new respondents. My musings must have touched some of you fairly deeply.
You all seem to have resonated with the notion that aging may have two stages: young-old and old-old. I’ll let you know when Ralph Milton’s book on this subject comes out.
Paul Bray: “I am in the old-old category; I am 99 years young, and will be 100 in November. I still drive my new car that I bought 3 months ago. I still live alone. So Jim you could live a long time yet.”
Stewart (who defines himself as another octogenarian) wrote, “Well said, a powerful article from the heart. It spoke to me -of five fishing/camping buddies. I’m the last standing, among other things you mentioned.”
Bill Ransom: “I’m 84+ so I understand completely. Most of written information is aimed at young-old which I pretty well tune out. As far as old-old is concerned the information is usually about nursing homes and making last arrangements. I’m not ready for either of those things.”
Linda Benhamida reminded me that Ginger Rogers was Fred Astaire’s dancing partner. So did Isabel Gibson. As Ralph’s daughter Kari told her Dad, she had to do all the same fancy footwork, but backwards, and in high heels!
Linda added, “How about a category for ‘middle-olds’? More appropriate for what you describe, methinks.
“I, too, am 85. Reading through your article I, and remaining friends, find that you really ‘hit the nail on their head.’
“One thing that you don't mention, however: dwelling on the past and the past-past -- reliving the happy memories. Some of mine are Guide Camp at Okanagan Centre in Camp Arbuckle and the tennis tournaments run by the Van Ackerans.”
Shirley Rochon: “I also celebrate my 85th in this week, and have been coming to grips (reluctantly) as to the age I’ve become. Still feeling too young to imagine that I am on the home stretch. Everything you wrote is so very real, and what is experienced. Just recently moved to a resort for ‘enriched living’! It’s been three months now, and daily I ask if I ‘fit in’. Seemingly, I am too young to be here. Reading your account of leaving young-old, and entering the old-old, it becomes clear that perhaps I am in the right place.”
Cliff Boldt: “Since I turned 80 this year, I have thought about what you wrote today. And the conclusion I reach is: I am not complaining. Like you, I have accepted the changes and reduced my bucket list, but am still curious about today and tomorrow. That should keep me going for a while.”
Norma Wible: “But even the no longer young-old can challenge themselves to some usefulness in this world. A sedentary rocking chair existence would be the capitulation to the ‘poor me’ vision of last years. The brain cells that function creatively can surely help to determine a different end of life, even for those who are physically handicapped. I’ll be turning 70 next month, and I don’t intend to ever stop looking for ways to help the world around me.”
Barry Durie: “Today’s piece spoke to my current preoccupation with aging. Turned 80 in May, so maybe I am still in the young-old category. Given a recent hiking fall and the weeks of leg ache following, I may be entering old-old after all. I have ordered Ralph’s book and look forward to seeing myself in his pages. I come to this in the midst of baking and quilting and reading my favorite 17th century sea sagas as an escape. Snoozed way too long yesterday after being in the garden way too long earlier in the day. Young-old or old-old, the stages of living are not neat boundaries but an emotional and spiritual journey.
“My favorite hymn is, ‘I was there to hear your borning cry’. The final line, ‘I’ll be there with yet one more surprise’, allows me to continue journeying believing the journey is way more important than the destination. One more surprise, getting to be old-old.”
Margaret Mills: “I, too, used to feel young-old but like you, I am feeling old-old. Since Covid hit, so many things have changed. I can still do many things but at a slower speed. And I just turned 81. Dealing with a balance problem makes me realize I must slow down. Mind is eager, but body is not.”
Warren Harbeck sent a link to his own column about his wife’s 80th birthday: http://www.harbeck.ca/cww/cww_210826.html It’s worth reading too.
I had written, “I walk, I hike, I do yard work, I sing. I do the daily newspaper puzzles. And I write. But I don’t do any of those tasks as well as I used to.”
Ted Spencer challenged my self-diagnosis: “Oh yes you do! I can’t comment on your walking or singing, but I’ll bet they’re right up there too. Don’t stop!”
Michael Jensen: “I'm also experiencing much of what you describe, although a big difference is that my loving wife is still alive.
“I don't fear death because I believe that my spirit will continue on to another grand adventure. While I'm waiting for that day, I want to still make a difference in this world, even if it's restricted to my nine children. I hope that the second volume of my memoirs portrays faith, hope and love so my posterity is encouraged to be their best selves. Feedback on my first book says I am a blessed man. True.
“I like the idea of an old-old way of life. It's a gradual transformation.”
Robert Mason: “Your musings will resonate for most of your readers, both those who get your emails and those who read the columns in the local newspapers. I'm equally sure that most will agree with your conclusions -- that they, too, have been blessed having done mostly what they wanted to do during those earlier years, have supportive family and friends, and recognise as you do that one simply can't do all that one used to do due to the natural aging process.”
After describing his reactions to his own 80th Birthday party, Robert concluded, “When you hit your 90th, may you still be keeping your brain active, by the mostly inspirational and often challenging columns you write.”
Isabel Gibson: “I watched my mother come to terms with being old-old. Whereas the young-old and the merely middle-aged often fret about their mortality, she just accepted it with no particular angst. Friends have told me their parents reached the same matter-of-fact stage.
“May you enjoy the particular freedoms and joys of this age/stage for as long as you have.”
Donna Craig: “I had my 84th birthday in July, having lost my husband in March, and am struggling with the question ‘What is the purpose of life now?’ We had 61 years together and many adventures, two great children, 3 grand- and 2 great-grandchildren. When people ask ‘How are you doing?’ my reply is, ‘I’m learning something new every day’.”
Eduard Hiebert: “Regarding forgetting ‘where I left my coffee cup’, while the memory muscle may no longer be what it was, the following may help explain what is going on and increase chances of retrieving.
“As we mature, through practice we can perform ever more daily tasks by rote. Little to no thinking for driving home, playing an instrument etc. So that to cook a soup we no longer need to think what all ingredients are needed. Needing onions from the basement while walking there, we can continue with a busy mind on other things. This alone is not a sign of losing short-term memory…when in the basement wondering why you are there, going back in mind what you were doing before can spontaneously spark further contextual memories.”
In a more general sense, Barb Dean has been “reading your missives ever since the days of that wonderful newsletter Currents. I am so deeply grateful for your wisdom and willingness to continue to grow and learn -- and your willingness to share comments you receive whether they support your views or not. I long for that kind of communication in our world.”
I haven’t included letters from some long-time readers and regular correspondents, who mostly offered congratulations on my birthday: Bob Rollwagen, Sheila Carey, Larry Joose, Jean McCord, Robert Caughell, Grace Cawley, John McTavish, Sandy Warren, David Gilchrist, James Russell, Chris Blackburn, James West, Gary Willis -- and probably a few more that I’ve managed to lose. Thanks to you all.
I’ll close with two letters that seem to me to embody the spirit of growing old without feeling defeated:
Ruth Buzzard: “My own approach to old age is to deny it. I never act my age. I go off in my bright yellow Jeep Wrangler towing my little fibreglass travel trailer and drive to say, Inuvik, or Cabo San Lucas, or Newfoundland. I put pink shoelaces in my running shoes. I write to old friends. I serve drinks and appies at the picnic table on my patio just about every week and invite my single neighbours over. I’m sure age will catch up with me sometime, but until then I’m going to whoop it up and enjoy life. “
Audrey Brooks: “It’s been a good ride for the most part, this life of mine. I’m not finished doing stuff, but my will and stuff are in order just in case. I done some good stuff and some not so good stuff that can’t be changed, and my kids see me losing the vibrancy I once had. But the other side of it is that I can curse and speak my mind because I’m old and don’t give a damn if I am not polite about politicians who lie, or the general mess human greed has made of the planet. I shall go out in a blaze, at least, and not a whimper!!”
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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PROMOTION STUFF…
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols. (This is to circumvent filters that think some of these links are spam.)
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” is an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca. He set up my webpage, and he doesn’t charge enough.
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom. She also runs beautiful pictures. Her Thanksgiving presentation on the old hymn, For the Beauty of the Earth, Is, well, beautiful -- https://www.traditionaliconoclast.com/2019/10/13/for/
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom (NB that’s “watso” not “watson”)
ALVA WOOD ARCHIVE
The late Alva Wood’s collection of satiric and sometimes wildly funny columns about a mythical village’s misadventures now have an archive (don’t ask how this happened) on my website: http://quixotic.ca/Alva-Wood-Archive. Feel free to browse all 550 columns.