The week opened with genial father-figure Cliff Huxtable -- better known as Bill Cosby -- named a “sexually violent predator” and sentenced to three to ten years in prison. In a Pennsylvania court, Cosby was found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault for drugging and sexually assaulting a Canadian woman, Andrea Constand,
The same week, Christine Blasey Ford, professor at Palo Alto University, testified before a U.S. Senate committee that she had been the victim of attempted rape by Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, 36 years earlier.
Kavanaugh denies all allegations. The pages of his high school annual suggest he has a malleable memory.
Also, former media celebrity Gian Ghomeshi published an essay in the New York Review of Bookswhitewashing his own sexual escapades. Although Ghomeshi was acquitted, Ontario Court Justice William Horkins made clear that he was not saying that “these events never happened.”
Rather, Horkin stated, “a reasonable doubt exists…because it is impossible to determine, with any acceptable degree of certainty, what is true and is false.”
Timemagazine published a list of 139 men currently accused of sexual misconduct -- a list that did not include Cosby, Kavanaugh, or Ghomeshi. Or disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein. Or Olympic gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar, accused by more than 150 women and sentenced to 175 years in jail.
Or, for that matter, a President who bragged -- on tape -- of grabbing women “by the pussy… When you’re a star… you can do anything.”
What constitutes consent?
Three threads run through this sorry tapestry.
First, these are all men.
Second, they’re all men in positions of power.
Third, they all insist, and probably believe, that their offence -- if they admit that anything happened at all -- was consensual.
Which raises the inevitable question: what is consent?
I have argued before that consent is always conditional. It can always be withdrawn.
In a parallel context, the law requires that even a legally executed a Power of Attorney must be revocable. It is valid only as long as the person granting it is capable of cancelling it.
The same principle, I suggest, applies to any consensual arrangement.
I have no doubt that some women have seduced men, for their own purposes. Mata Hari and Gerda Munsinger come to mind. And that some women have used their sexuality to solicit personal benefits -- a movie role, a contract, an expensive gift. Or even just to gain bragging rights: “Hey, girls, guess who I slept with last night?”
But just because some women consent to sex doesn’t mean that all women will. Every time.
Sexual predators don’t understand that. They assume that once a woman consents to a flirtation in the bar, a kiss in the hallway, or an invitation to an apartment or hotel room, therefore she consents to whatever may follow.
Once they have convinced themselves that “this gal is asking for it,” they consider consent irrevocable.
There’s a joke sometimes heard in religious circles. In the Garden of Eden, God is supposed to have told Adam, “I’m giving you two great gifts, a brain and a penis. There’s only one restriction -- you can’t use both of them at once.”
Men accustomed to getting their own way simply don’t hear a “No.”
Wounded ones retreat
Victims are commonly asked why they didn’t speak up sooner. Why wait ten years, 20 years, even 36 years as professor Ford did, to accuse a sexual predator?
The question itself reveals its bias. It’s asked by those who cannot imagine themselves being victims.
In nature and in society, a victim’s first response is to avoid further damage. Possums play dead. Wounded wolves creep away. Rape victims retreat into their own private cave of misery.
Think about it -- if you’ve been cornered by superior physical power, coerced by a popular celebrity, pressured by someone who may control your job, your income, or your future… Are you going to risk further damage by attacking him publicly?
Does an injured mouse bite a lion’s tail? No, it hides.
As Cosby’s accuser Andrea Constand told the Pennsylvania court, "The shame was overwhelming. Self-doubt and confusion kept me from turning to my family or friends as I normally did. I felt completely alone, unable to trust anyone, including myself."
Cosby’s image of himself as America’s favourite Dad is gone forever. But as Andrea Constand’s mother, Gianna Constand, reminded the courtroom, “The victims cannot be unraped…All we can do is hold the perpetrators responsible.”
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Copyright © 2018 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups encouraged; links from other blogs welcomed; all other rights reserved.
To send comments, to subscribe, or to unsubscribe, write jimt@quixotic.ca
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YOUR TURN
In last week’s column I patted myself on the back for having written 1000 columns for the Kelowna Courier and Penticton Herald newspapers.
Most of the responses – whether written, phoned, or voiced in person – were simply congratulatory. Thank you for them. Sometimes I wonder if these columns have any effect on anyone (other than me); your comments reassure me.
Frank Martens thanked me for allowing “the comments of an atheist among an otherwise semi-religious following.”
Wayne Holst (who has his own weekly internet mailing, http://colleagueslistii.blogspot.com/2018/09/colleagues-list-september-9th-2018.html, thanked me for “writing on a major range of themes, and for writing so well. I am never bored by what you have to say, even in disagreement.”
And local talk-show radio host Phil Johnson invited me on-air for half an hour, to talk about my experiences.
Several letters focused on the editing and writing tips I included.
Bob Rollwagen wrote, “Great advice. If I had stuck to my schooling my comments over the last few years would have been better organized.”
Regular responders Isabel Gibson and Tom Watson, writers themselves, also appreciated the tips.
“I will forward your column to my doctoral student in India who often experiences ‘writers block’,” Don Sawatzky promised.
George Brigham wrote from England, “Though not a professional writer (unless you count sermons) thank you for clarifying what I think I already knew and hope I usually did. I’ll be more disciplined about it in future.”
Most preachers also write a weekly column, of course; it’s called a “sermon.” Over a lifetime, many will have accumulated more than my 1000.
David Gilchrist recalled, “After ordination 59 years ago, with a month off each summer, and maybe one or two other Sundays off for some events in a year, plus pulpit supply for the last 25 years of retirement, that was a lot of sermons to prepare. Mostly ideas came quickly enough; but when it is only a once-in-a-while thing, and aging slows all mental and physical activity, it is not so automatic. Last week my 90-year-old brain couldn’t see a direction to go with the readings; but I did exactly what you advised in today’s column: just started to write down words that jumped out at me from Scriptures; and it is surprising how soon actual thoughts and direction began to form.”
Steve Lawson had similar experiences: “After being retired from the pulpit for almost four years and then convinced to return (half-time basis) I wondered about material for worship planning and sermon writing. Yes, I had saved some of my old materials but I rarely go to them… All I really have to do is look out the window, listen to the news online or in a real newspaper, listen to my own community and the world around me.......plenty of topics everywhere. It is even more fun now than the previous 30 years of ministry!”
Finally, on the subject of finding things to write about, Rob Brown recalled an anecdote that he thinks came from one of Pierre Berton’s books, about “a woman and a columnist chatting at a cocktail party. The woman asked, 'Where do you get all the ideas for your columns?
"’I steal them," replied the columnist. ‘From other columnists.’
"’Where do they get their ideas?’ asked the woman.
“The columnist replied, ‘They steal them too; they steal them from me.’
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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PROMOTION STUFF…
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols. (This is to circumvent filters that think too many links constitute spam.)
Ralph Milton’s latest project is a kind of Festival of Faith, a retelling of key biblical stories by skilled storytellers like Linnea Good and Donald Schmidt, designed to get people talking about their own faith experience. It’s a series of videos available on Youtube. I suggest you start with his introductory section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7u6qRclYAa8
Ralph’s “Sing Hallelujah” -- the world’s first video hymnal -- is still available. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at wwwDOTsinghallelujahDOTca
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca>
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom
Alva Wood’s satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town -- not particularly religious, but fun; alvawoodATgmailDOTcom to get onto her mailing list.
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom or twatsonATsentexDOTnet