From my mother, I inherited a Belleek china tea set. Belleek is both beautiful and fragile -- porcelain china so thin you can see shadows through it, so light it feels like paper. And so delicate that just dropping a teaspoon can break a teacup.
What we call community is also incredibly beautiful, and incredibly fragile. It can be shattered by a casual comment taken personally, by differences of opinion over minor matters, by trust betrayed…
It’s easier to describe what community is not, than to define what it is.
Community is not just a group of people. Merely gathering people together in one place – whether for a rock concert, a sports event, or a church service – does not create a community.
Nor does having a million followers on Facebook or Twitter.
For the same reason, simply being a member of an organization does not create a community. You can be a member of a Rotary club or a Baptist church for 40 years, and have never visited another member in their home, heard their passions, held them while they cry…
Passive presence is not enough.
Mis-named ritual
Many churches practice “communion” – also known as Eucharist or Mass – but the ritual by itself doesn’t create community. True, each person, or communicant, receives an equal portion, an equal blessing. But there’s no interaction with each other.
Mutuality comes from doing things together. It doesn’t matter whether it’s baking apple pies in a kitchen or re-shingling a cabin at a summer camp. In working together, people talk. We learn about each other. We build bonds.
The shared activity becomes a window through which to see others more clearly.
A minister told me about his former life as a hard-rock miner, deep underground. When your life depends on your working partner, he said, you cannot allow disagreements to fester. You have to trust each other, regardless, even if you hold radically different political or religious views.
He never found that level of trust in congregational ministry, he said sadly.
Community can be built around activities that excite us, that give us joy and satisfaction. Like skiing or golf, cars or drama.
Communities can also be built around anger, resentment, hostility – unfortunately, the current state of politics in America.
Tragedies can test communities.
Sometimes they fall apart, dissolving into bickering factions. Sometimes they draw together, caring for each other regardless of differences, recreating for a while the earliest Christian communities.
Sharing from the soul
True community, I’m convinced, requires sharing more than just money, or time. It calls for sharing from the soul. Building enough bonds, over a long enough time, to trust your friends with your deepest passions. And deepest fears.
I find infant baptism profoundly moving. Not because the verbal formulas have any magical quality. But because the parents act out their trust in that community by gently handing over their precious child into the arms of a stranger, who represents a community of strangers, who commit themselves to accept responsibility for that child.
And the community gives the child back, unharmed.
The symbolic action speaks far louder than ritual speeches.
In a true community, we hand ourselves over the same way. Without fear of being damaged or broken by careless hands.
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Copyright © 2018 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.
To comment on this column, write jimt@quixotic.ca
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YOUR TURN
Steve Lawson agreed with me about conversations in long-time relationships, in last week’s column: “I always feel that I could easily just pick up a conversation right where we left off with friends that I haven't seen for years. It would not take long at all to carry on -- it is more than just catching up; it is part of a long ago but always present friendship. Thanks for the reminder that this is part of any ongoing relationship, whether you see the person daily or once every ten years.”
Tom Watson wrote about his wife Janice’s death: “Last October 9 I was plunged into that place where consistent long-term conversation ended. In spite of having lots of conversations outside the home, the biggest thing that affects me [now] is the absence of conversation in the one space where I spend the bulk of my time.
“But I'm intrigued by your notion that the best conversations don't end, and in a sense I understand that too. Just a week or two before Janice died I asked her, ‘Janice, what am I going to do without you?’ Her answer was short...three words...’You'll be fine.’ Funny thing, I'm still engaged in a conversation with those three words. Am I fine now? Will I be fine? How soon? I clearly don't remember every conversation we ever had -- some of those are long since gone -- but the most meaningful ones persist.”
“This one brought tears to my eyes,” wrote Isabel Gibson. “I continue to meet my mother, father, and honorary aunt at odd moments. Thanks for the conversation ‘hook’ for this phenomenon.
“And thanks to Ken Nichols for setting the record straight [about Greek word origins]. Jim, I'm surprised at you. Haven't you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, with the patriarch who could show that any word derived from the Greek?”
Steve Roney also connected the Phoenix discussion with old shows, but in his case it was Monty Python: “I cannot resist mentioning that there is also a legend of bird-regenerating in Cockney. It is known as The Dead Parrot Sketch.”
Dawne Taylor had her own experience with Dr. Bob Hatfield: “Many years ago (can’t remember exactly when), I did a non-credit course with Dr. Bob – it was simply called ‘Dying’ as I recall (but memory could be fuzzy there too). We talked about the mystery of death, what fears and doubts we have, our thoughts about what is beyond, what preparations we might like to make, etc. The most memorable part to me was a visit to a funeral home and the opportunity to meet a dead ‘client’, naked except for the tag around his big toe. Having had no experience with death at that point, it was a real shock to me to see a lifeless body and to understand that the very essence of what we call life was no more for this individual. Life / no life. The difference seemed stark then, although it no longer does. And from what I can recall, I’m pretty sure that Dr. Bob had a strong belief in a continuation beyond this earthly realm.”
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PSALM PARAPHRASE
I’ve chosen to go with the alternate psalm in the Revised Common Lectionary’s schedule for this week, mostly because the traditional texts seem to imply an external God, an almighty being out there somewhere who responds to desperate pleas from humans and intervenes – or doesn’t. Who knows why? But this paraphrase of Psalm 34 portrays God as an all-encompassing reality, something like the swimming pool my daughter revelled in during her high school years.
Trust the water.
The water sets me free.
In it, I have no weight, no mass, no friction.
Whether I swim the butterfly alone
or perform synchronized dances with others,
we are one, the water and I.
I dive in, and the water buoys me up;
it raises me.
In it, I can gambol and swirl,
I can twist and whirl,
I am as free as a fish.
The water is my friend;
it will not let me sink into a sea of troubles.
Thrashing around simply makes foam –-
it will not teach me to swim,
to trust the water with my life.
In the water, I radiate joy.
The water within me
resonates with the water outside me.
We are one. We are all.
Have no fear.
Trust the water.
For paraphrases of mostof the psalms used by the Revised Common Lectionary, you can order my book Everyday Psalmsfrom Wood Lake Publishing, info@woodlake.com.
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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PROMOTION STUFF
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols. Some spam filters have been blocking my posts because they’re suspicious of too many links.
Ralph Milton’s latest project is a kind of Festival of Faith, a retelling of key biblical stories by skilled storytellers like Linnea Good and Donald Schmidt, designed to get people talking about their own faith experience. It’s a series of videos available on Youtube. I suggest you start with his introductory section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7u6qRclYAa8
Ralph’s “Sing Hallelujah” -- the world’s first video hymnal -- is still available. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at wwwDOTsinghallelujahDOTca
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,”an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca>
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom
Alva Wood’s satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town -- not particularly religious, but fun; alvawoodATgmailDOTcom to get onto her mailing list.
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony”-- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’sreaders. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom or twatsonATsentexDOTnet