I found a deer lying in the bush beside the trail where I often take our dog for her pre-breakfast walk. She was beautiful -- a young doe, judging by her under-developed teats.
She lay there, head raised, legs extended, as if sleeping peacefully. But she wasn’t sleeping. She was dead.
I saw no signs of blood, so she was probably not killed by gunshot – although I know many gardeners in this area yearn to cull herds that nip their roses. And no tooth marks, no flesh torn away, no evidence of a predator killing for food. So probably not coyotes or cougars.
Which leaves a truck as the most likely cause of death. The waterfront trail runs parallel to but about 20 feet lower than the road above. To come down to the lake for a drink, deer have to cross the road.
I can only assume that this deer, transfixed by headlights, might have been catapulted by the impact down the slope to rest there beside the trail.
I wonder what it feels like to be going about your normal business, and suddenly find yourself run over by a great roaring monster with glaring eyes.
Perhaps I should ask Justin Trudeau.
Retreat into the commonplace
If you’ve ever wondered what writers write about when they don’t know what to write about, that incident might give you a clue.
We retreat into the commonplace world, the world we actually know about from personal experience, and hope to connect with larger events.
The problem is not having nothing to write about. The problem is having too much to write about.
Take this last week, for example.
Boatloads of refugees get sent back to sea in the Mediterranean, by nations unwilling to assume responsibility for disasters that they didn’t create, while the nations that caused the problems stay a comfortable distance away.
Volcanoes demonstrate that they can have different personalities. The one in Hawaii is relatively benign – dangerous, but not explosive. The one in Guatemala erupts explosively, searing its victims in hot ash and gases. The one in Washington… well, enough said.
The G-7 summit in Quebec, that became the G-6 summit after Russia got kicked out, became the G-5 summit when everyone was out of step except one man.
And then the world’s two most unpredictable national leaders met in Singapore, to hatch a vague commitment to make the world safer.
A tale of two haircuts
I haven’t been a refugee. I haven’t lived under a volcano. I have no experience in negotiating international agreements.
So what do I write about? Commonplace things. I tried to imagine what kind of idle chit-chat two national Commanders-in-Chief might indulge in as they sat across the table from each other in an informal, off the record lunch.
“Who does your hair?”
“I have my own hair stylist. The very best barber in America. The best in the whole world.”
“Same person every time?”
“You bet. I don’t let strangers mess with my head. No way! How about you?”
“Different barber every time. Nobody gets that close to me and lives to tell about it.”
“You kill him? Jeez! My lawyer says I could shoot someone and pardon myself for it.”
“No, I send him to prison camp. Or to decommission a nuclear plant. Same result. He never gets to tell anyone anything anyway.”
“Have you ever thought that your barbers might be taking revenge in advance?”
“Who knows. How do you keep your hair in place?”
“Hair spray. Lacquer it, until it’s stiff. I had my hair certified as an industrial safety helmet.”
“We don’t have hair spray. You imposed trade sanctions on it.”
“That’s because it’s explosive. But I’ll tell you what. You give me a beautiful beach where I can build a luxury condo resort, and I’ll send you some hair spray. Hell, I’ll send you a whole case of it. Through diplomatic channels. No sanctions involved.”
Let’s hear something different
I’ve heard the Singapore summit analyzed endlessly. By diplomats, past and present. By economists. By psychologists. By historians. But never by hair stylists.
Why not, I wonder, as I wonder what to write about. Stylists get paid plenty to match Hollywood stars’ hair to the image they want to present. Surely stylists would have some penetrating insights into what motivates international leaders?
You see? That’s what we write about when we don’t know what to write about.
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Copyright © 2017 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups encouraged; links from other blogs welcomed; all other rights reserved.
To send comments, to subscribe, or to unsubscribe, write jimt@quixotic.ca
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YOUR TURN
Only two of the letters about last week’s column dealt with the column’s subject matter, the Columbia River and attempts to divert it..
Tom Watson wondered if diversion should become a bargaining chip again “if the NAFTA talks break down entirely because President Trump can't have it all his way...hmmmm?”
Don Grant expressed thanks for the history lesson, and added, “I'm reminded of the law of unintended consequences.”
All the rest of the letters were about your letters.
Bob Rollwagen: “I am sorry to hear that some of your listeners believe in ‘isolation’ when debating. Election does not entitle anyone to more respect than they show others. I am reading today in the The Timesthat the Twit was meeting with the biggest Brexit supporter and Russians for their mutual business benefit gain. I will assume that now Britain will be able to further the U.S. investigation into how deep the Twit is indebted to Poutine and why Kimmy wants in.
“Prime Minister Trudeau has an uphill battle to keep Canadian waters under our control. Fortunately the Group of 6 can now see how the waters are flowing.
“By the way, the Great Lakes are already being diverted to the Mississippi through Chicago.”
John Shaffer (of Auburn, not the other John Shaffer) had a comment about my disdain for He Who Cannot Be Named: “When individuals refused to accept President Obama. I didn't always know why, but I observed the hatred: ‘He will never be my President’.
“Now I have more understanding. It is difficult for me to accept you know who as the President. I have gotten in the habit of referring to him as our ‘so-called President’. As he appeals to the worst of human nature in politics, my respect gets lower and lower. One could hope that he accomplishes some good things, but it may be in spite of his persona.”
Isabel Gibson wrote, “David Milne-Ives' comments reminded me of (Wenschler's?) teaching motto: ‘Receive them ignorant, dispatch them confused.’”
David Gilchrist, on border security: “I haven’t crossed the border in more than 30 years, but some of your replies reminded me of my only uncomfortable experience. In 1948 I had to go from Vancouver to Saskatchewan by bus [which detoured through the U.S. because in those days the TransCanada Highway hadn’t yet been completed: JT] I did a lot of writing in those days, so paid $10 for a rather ancient lap-top typewriter. No problem going into the U.S.; but the Canadian border guards held that whole bus up for quite a while. Although the bus had not stopped anywhere, they were convinced that I had purchased that American-made relic in the U.S., and demanded either the sales receipt, or pay import duties! I am embarrassed to have to recall that bit of idiocy by Canadians; but our record is not as lily white as I wish it were.”
Several readers chimed in on the media I could or should use to reach readers.
Sheila Carey: “I'm on Facebook and I read several blogs, but I like emails and regret that they have become ‘old fashioned.’ I have your website bookmarked so I can easily check back on previous columns, so I suppose a blog would work, but I’d probably then subscribe to an email ‘reminder’ list to send me to the blog!
“And I don't think Facebook has been replaced by Twitter -- they have different functions. I don't think that either would be appropriate as a location for your column.
“Maybe you need somebody younger than me to suggest a new format?”
June Tink: “Having just turned 80 and not having taken to Twitter, Blogs or Facebook, I hope you will remember some of us Oldies who, like me, can manage email but are somewhat daunted by swiftly-changing technology! By all means use the newer ways of communicating but please keep us/me in the loop by email as I really enjoy your column.”
Hilde Vickers: “Please continue to use email, even if you use another medium as well!”
Judyth Mermelstein: “While many people do use social media, that's not where they look for thought-provoking essays, though a minority will pursue a link to one whose subject seems relevant. But almost everyone I know does share interesting articles by email with friends and/or family from time to time ... and the continued flood of e-newsletters (some even charging $5/month or more!) would indicate the genre isn't dead yet.”
Ruth Shaver: “If you have a website, you could Tweet links to your website articles. Twitter seems to be a good place to put access points to information.”
Ruth continued into the gender/sex debate: “My LGBTQIA friends gently but firmly insist that when a marriage that is not between a man and a woman must be identified, it be called an ‘equal marriage’. It's also worth noting
-- that the "T" in LGBTQIA is "Transgender", not "transsexual" as was the old term.
-- that the "I" in LGBTQIA is "Intersex", a designation often used by and for people whose birth sex, based on outward appearance, is found not to match their internal organs or their genetic makeup. As much as we humans like our either/or distinctions, even biology keeps telling us both/and.”
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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My webpage is running again -- thanks to Wayne Irwin and ChurchWeb Canada. You can now access current columns and five years of archives at http://quixotic.ca
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PROMOTION STUFF…
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols.
Ralph Milton ’s latest project is called “Sing Hallelujah” -- the world’s first video hymnal. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at wwwDOTsinghallelujahDOTca
Ralph’s HymnSight webpage is still up, http://wwwDOThymnsightDOTca, with a vast gallery of photos you can use to enhance the appearance of the visual images you project for liturgical use (prayers, responses, hymn verses, etc.)
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca>
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom
Alva Wood’s satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town -- not particularly religious, but fun; alvawoodATgmailDOTcom to get onto her mailing list.
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom or twatsonATsentexDOTnet