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Being polite isn’t always the best policy. 

            I’m not suggesting that it’s good to be rude, harsh, contemptuous, or difficult. Not at all. But if being polite, being nice, gets in the way of true cooperation, social manners may need to take second place. 

            I doubt if my father ever said an angry word to another human. He was the kind of person who tried to see the best in everyone. Who would never push his way to the front of a line. Who always let someone else go through the door first. 

            But there were occasions when the usual rules of courtesy didn’t work. 

            Trying to get onto Lions’ Gate Bridge in Vancouver, B.C., for example. Lion’s Gate was built in 1938. Some called it a world wonder. Originally, it carried two lanes of traffic across the narrow entrance to Vancouver’s harbour.  But as the years passed and the number of cars increased, engineers widened the roadway to three lanes – two going one way at rush hours, a single lane going the other way. 

            About 70,000 vehicles cross the bridge every day. 

Merge and mesh

            In the morning rush hour heading into Vancouver, four lanes of traffic from the east have to merge into a single lane to get onto the bridge. From the west, four more lanes have to merge into one. In non-rush-hour periods, those two lanes have to merge once more, into a single lane. 

            Over the years, drivers have developed a system that works amazingly well. You crawl forward in parallel lines until it’s your turn to fit between two cars in the next lane. It doesn’t matter if you merge to the left or the right – you take your turn, regardless. 

            The long lines of cars mesh like the greased gears. Or like the teeth in a zipper. 

            You never demand a space. You never bull ahead regardless. You simply take your turn. 

            On one occasion, though, my father couldn’t break the habit of being polite. When it was his turn to mesh, he gestured to the car on his left to go ahead. 

            The other driver jammed on her brakes, expecting my father to slip into his slot. 

            Dad waited for her. 

            Both cars came to a standstill, waiting for the other to make the first move. 

            Behind them, a ripple spread back along both lines of traffic. Brake lights flashed. Traffic stopped. Tempers flared. Horns honked. 

            The pattern had been broken. 

Survival of the most cooperative

            On Lions Gate Bridge, cooperation trumps both courtesy and competition. 

            And perhaps not just on that bridge. Biologists increasingly assert that evolution is not about survival of the fittest, but survival of the most cooperative. Species that can work with other species are likely to live longer and produce more descendants than those that compete. 

            Single cells clump together and develop specialized functions. Bacteria keep the human body functioning. Forests and salmon keep each other healthy. Violins and bassoons play their own roles for the good of the whole orchestra. Civilizations rise and fall on their ability to work together. 

            We live in an infinite web of relationships. Anything that fosters those relationships helps us all survive; anything that damages those relationships hurts us all. 

            Even if it means, sometimes, violating some social norms. 

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Copyright © 2017 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups, and links from other blogs, welcomed; all other rights reserved.

                       To comment on this column, write jimt@quixotic.ca

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Special announcement

I’m starting something new – to my own surprise. Some 60 years ago, as a university undergrad, I dabbled at writing poetry. A few weeks ago, something convinced me that I needed to take up that discipline again. A few people liked my first drafts and convinced me that others might also like them.

            So I have added a new page to my website, http://quixotic.ca. The main page deals with my two weekly columns, which I write for local newspapers and send out to this email list; the new page http://quixotic.ca/My-Poetryis devoted to my poem writing. There are four poems posted there now.

            I plan to send out an email notification whenever I post a new poem… which won’t  be every week; it takes time to polish every syllable! If you’d like to receive notifications about new poems, write me at jimt@quixotic.ca,  or subscribe yourself to the list by sending a blankemail (no message) to poetry-subscribe@lists.quixotic.ca (If it doesn’t work, please let me know.) 

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YOUR TURN

Last week’s column contained some reflections of friendship, occasioned by a high school reunion.

            Neighbour Stewart Detjen responded, “My ten-year reunion was disappointing as we had not grown enough from our High School dramas. For my 40th Reunion, everyone was just glad that their classmates were alive and healthy enough to attend. How many of my Class Of 1968 are still standing? That question will be answered this July.

            “The friends that have remained friends all have one thing in common. Be it weeks, months, or years since we last saw each other, our visit picks up were the last visit ended.”

Tom Watson echoed my experience: “Your article cogently expressed what it means to grow older, and the changes that aging brings. Your discussion about the nature of friendship ties in well too. I have lived in 12 towns and cities — mostly across Ontario, but also in Newfoundland and Manitoba — and so have made friends in each of those places. Some of those I would call "friends while we lived there" because I have never seen them since, but I also have friends of some 60 years duration… Friends are the treasure in the fields of my life.”

Frieda Hogg told of a special friendship: “She is 95 and I am 93, we have been friends for at least 88 years -- we were little kids together back in the 1930s in a little village here in Saskatchewan and our friendship has continued through the years since.  In recent years she has been living in Medicine Hat, and this week my daughter will drive me to visit her; as you can guess, these visits are very special.”

My reference to an unprintable limerick drew this from Ted Spencer: “Do you remember shortwave radio? Of course you do. For decades we awoke to The BBC World Service: news and a rotating selection of their wonderful radio shows, one of which was "Just A Minute!”. Kenneth Williams was often on the panel… and on one occasion delivered that one in its entirety, in his best lugubrious voice. I still can’t help smiling, thirty-odd years on, whenever I think of it. 

            “By the way, his closing line was slightly different: ‘Who does what, and with what, and to whom’.”

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PSALM PARAPHRASES

I wish I had known Psalm 20 when our daughter Sharon moved to Alberta in 1988. It reflects the blessing I would like to have given her. 

1          God bless you, my child.  As you set out into the world, God go with you;  every step of every day, may God watch over you.

2          When you're feeling low, may God send you a shoulder to cry upon,  and a friendly hand to help you up.

3          When you're feeling good, may your laughter echo in the heavens; whatever you do, may it be acceptable in God's sight.

4          May God hear the deepest longings of your heart,  and let your longings blossom into reality. 

5          May the word we hear of you always be good.  Then we will know that you have known God while you were growing up.  We will know that God continues to belong in your new life. 

            May you remember how to pray;

6          For God will not desert those who stay in touch. 

7          Some of your new friends will put their faith in money,  others in power, and some in wild living;  Put your faith only in the Lord our God. 

8          Those who put their faith in false gods will stumble and fall,  But you will not be afraid of the light;  you can stand straight and tall. 

9          Lord, into your hands we commit our child;  take her under your wing,  for our sakes, and yours. 

For paraphrases of mostof the psalms used by the Revised Common Lectionary, you can order my book Everyday Psalmsfrom Wood Lake Publishing, info@woodlake.com.

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TECHNICAL STUFF

If you want to comment on something, send a message directly to me, jimt@quixotic.ca.

                       To subscribe or unsubscribe, send an e-mail message to jimt@quixotic.ca. Or you can subscribe electronically by sending a blank e-mail (no message or subject line) to softedges-subscribe@lists.quixotic.ca. Similarly, you can un-subscribe at softedges-unsubscribe@lists.quixotic.ca.

                       I write a second column each Sunday called Sharp Edges, which tends to be somewhat more cutting about social and justice issues. To sign up for Sharp Edges, write to me directly, jimt@quixotic.ca, or send a note to sharpedges-subscribe@lists.quixotic.ca

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PROMOTION STUFF

To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols.

                       Ralph Milton ’s latest project is called “Sing Hallelujah” -- the world’s first video hymnal. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at wwwDOTsinghallelujahDOTca

                       Ralph’s HymnSight webpage is still up, http://wwwDOThymnsightDOTca, with a vast gallery of photos you can use to enhance the appearance of the visual images you project for liturgical use (prayers, responses, hymn verses, etc.)

                       Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,”an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca>

                       I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom

                       Alva Wood’s satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town -- not particularly religious, but fun; alvawoodATgmailDOTcom to get onto her mailing list.

                       Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony”-- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’sreaders. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom or twatsonATsentexDOTnet