The #MeToo hashtag should give all men a sense of dread. Suddenly, they’re vulnerable to charges of harassment, groping, or even rape -- from a time when they didn’t know any better.
No one, it would seem, is immune. Film producers, network executives, politicians, news anchors – the list keeps growing.
Perhaps we should be grateful to Harvey Weinstein. However repugnant his treatment of women, it has made it possible for women all over the world to talk about their experiences at the hands of men (that’s both a pun and an indictment) that they have, until now, suppressed. Or repressed.
“I am a rape survivor,” a woman named Brenda wrote in an online petition. “I used to be ashamed to say those words. Not anymore. For almost 20 years, after I was gang-raped by four men, I lived in fear. In the recent past, I’ve shared my story and committed my life to fighting back.”
A professional counsellor and psychology professor told me, “I could tell within the first five minutes whether a woman had been sexually abused. A woman could function just fine, but it was always there and would be for the rest of her life.”
She herself was raped by her own psychology professor.
She recalls: “The academic world has yet to come through any serious scrutiny. You could go through all your requisite courses, pass your doctoral exams, do your research and write your dissertation… but you have to deal with professors who say fuck me or I’ll vote no.”
Not necessarily consensual
I can’t help wondering – now -- how many women I may have inadvertently taken unwelcome liberties with. Perhaps with words. Perhaps with a stare that lingered a shade too long. Perhaps with kidding that crossed an invisible line. I was never rash enough to attempt rape — but I have to wonder now whether my adolescent explorings were as harmless as I assumed at the time.
I certainly didn’t think they were damaging, 60 years ago. But I say that from my male perspective.
During my university years, we commonly finished a date late at night by driving to the beach at Spanish Banks.
“Why are we parking here?”
“To watch the submarine races.”
“I can’t see any submarines.”
“Of course not. They’re underwater.”
Was the fondling at Spanish Banks always consensual? I realize now, much later, that I never asked. Perhaps I chose to be deliberately ignorant.
Unwanted attention
We males have for too long assumed — to put this bluntly — that women’s bodies existed for male gratification. (In many countries, that conviction still persists.) No one asked the women for permission — we just tried to get away with whatever we could get away with.
“In my youth,” a friend told me recently, “a girl's best defense was a tight pantygirdle that couldn't be removed without co-operation.”
In later life, she found, “Dressing modestly, avoiding booze and drugs, etc., was little protection from a grabby employer, a stalker type, or a fellow who got a kick from waving an erect penis at one. Frankly, I was very pleased to reach the age where the ‘attention’ stopped.”
The statistics say that one out of ten women has been raped. One out of four has experienced sexual harassment. I would guess that one out of one has had to fend off attention she didn’t want, from someone she didn’t want attention from. (A clumsy sentence, but you’ll know what I mean.)
A dear friend, a competent professional by any standard, described the long-term effects of early experiences: “All of this is simply to say that I feared men -- period. My whole life experience has been made difficult. I literally tremble in the presence of a large human male.”
Unequal justice
Certainly, men are not immune to sexual assaults – but fewer than 20 per cent happen to men or boys; 80 per cent of the victims are women and girls.
That statistic prejudices a fair trial for some males. “Some women do use their sexuality as an instrument of power,” a female correspondent admitted. “The onus has been put on males to restrain their reactions to sexually provocative clothing, language, etc.”
Out of every 100 assaults, I gather, only six will be reported to police. Only half of those will result in charges; and only half of those will be prosecuted. Only one out of 100 will be convicted.
Little wonder that women have preferred to suffer in silence than to go public about sexual abuse.
Until now. The #MeToo hashtag has changed all that. Hopefully, forever.
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Copyright © 2017 by Jim Taylor. Non-profit use in congregations and study groups encouraged; links from other blogs welcomed; all other rights reserved.
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YOUR TURN
Chris Hansen corroborated my impressions of Zimbabwe, under Robert Mugabe’s rule: “It brought back memories of our experiences in Africa during the 5 years (1986-91) that we lived and worked in Malawi.
“One incident in Zimbabwe -- We had friends from Winnipeg come for a visit. Of course we had to take them to see Victoria Falls. Two of our guests had big video cameras and so were anxious to get the best shots possible. They concluded that the best place for a panoramic view would be from the middle of the Rainbow Bridge crossing over into Zambia. One problem! Zimbabwe's border security was at one end of the bridge and Zambia's at the other.
They had to go through customs in Zimbabwe which included the nonsense you described, plus an account of how much money they were carrying. They then proceeded to the middle of the bridge, took the pictures they wanted, and then returned. They never went as far as the Zambian border. But they still had to go through the full immigration process coming back. It took a total of at least three hours.”
George Brigham thought me over-critical of the Zimbabwe airport process: “Two hours standing in line at Victoria Falls International Airport? That doesn’t come close to my 3.5 hours in line at Newark, NJ, missing my connecting flight by hours.”
Several of you noted that Mugabe’s successor may be no improvement.
Bob Stoddard wrote, “Jim, you’ll have to write a sequel to your commentary about Robert Magabe. Certainly his future will not be too bad; he and his wife will have a large income for the rest of their lives. But more important for the future of the country is the new leader Emmerson Mnangagwa (called ‘the Crocodile’). Many observers predict he will be even more ruthless than Magabe.”
Robert Caughell agreed: “Time will tell if Mugabe's replacement is better or worse than he.”
And John Shaffer: “The new leader of Zimbabwe was an enforcer for Robert Mugabe. What would motivate him toward compassion for the people of Zimbabwe now? All we can do is wait and see.
“It has been my privilege to visit Zimbabwe two times: 1971 and 2014. In 2014, no one dared speak out against Mugabe publicly, but privately some pointed out his inability to stay awake, their fear his wife would take over, and their discomfort with the future.
In 1971 I met a man who played a transition role between white rule and the contemporary situation: Abel Murorewa was out-maneuvered by Mugabe and today we live with the disastrous results. His story is on Wikipedia, if anyone is interested. Spoiler alert: he was a United Methodist bishop.”
Bob Rollwagen had similar thoughts: “Mugabe was one of three guys who ruled. His two partners are still in control, one running the military and the other the bureaucracy. It will take decades for recovery and it will be a rough road.
“If the two remaining leaders change, there may be hope. Mugabe’s schools are still standing.
“I have been to the airport you described and was also amused by the carbon paper, but understood the local effort to keep jobs by not introducing technology. Their system was as efficient as needed, as most people arriving were just heading to an hour at their hotel.”
Marion Logan confirmed the Harare woman’s description of life in Zimbabwe: “Yes, I have seen it and walked the streets with some caution (as a white woman). White South Africans have lived that way for years and years. I assume they still do as that country is still in great conflict and great poverty. Someone said that the razor wire was produced in Hamilton, Canada.
“I grieve over the tremendous problems in our world… There is lots of money, and lots of educated people who seem unable and unwilling to bring peace to everyone.”
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TECHNICAL STUFF
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PROMOTION STUFF…
To use the links in this section, you’ll have to insert the necessary symbols.
Ralph Milton ’s latest project is called “Sing Hallelujah” -- the world’s first video hymnal. It consists of 100 popular hymns, both new and old, on five DVDs that can be played using a standard DVD player and TV screen, for use in congregations who lack skilled musicians to play piano or organ. More details at wwwDOTsinghallelujahDOTca
Ralph’s HymnSight webpage is still up, http://wwwDOThymnsightDOTca, with a vast gallery of photos you can use to enhance the appearance of the visual images you project for liturgical use (prayers, responses, hymn verses, etc.)
Wayne Irwin's “Churchweb Canada,” an inexpensive service for any congregation wanting to develop a web presence, with free consultation. <http://wwwDOTchurchwebcanadaDOTca>
I recommend Isabel Gibson’s thoughtful and well-written blog, wwwDOTtraditionaliconoclastDOTcom
Alva Wood’s satiric stories about incompetent bureaucrats and prejudiced attitudes in a small town -- not particularly religious, but fun; alvawoodATgmailDOTcom to get onto her mailing list.
Tom Watson writes a weekly blog called “The View from Grandpa Tom’s Balcony” -- ruminations on various subjects, and feedback from Tom’s readers. Write him at tomwatsoATgmailDOTcom or twatsonATsentexDOTnet